When you realise 29th is here

When you realise 29th is here

Mature Jokes : Singh junior

The teacher asked,"Singh Jr. what is your problem?" Singh Jr. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" Ms Neelam had enough. She took Singh Jr. to the principal's office. While Singh Jr. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Singh Jr. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Singh Jr.: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Singh Jr.: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Singh Jr. can go to the third-grade." If you don't feel embarrassed please read further... Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Singh Jr. both agree. Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Singh Jr., after a moment "Legs." Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" Singh Jr.: "Pockets." Ms Neelam: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Singh Jr.: "Pants" Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Singh Jr.: Coconut Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Singh Jr. was taking charge. Singh Jr.: Bubblegum Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer... Singh Jr.: Shake hands Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay? Singh Jr.: Yep. Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Singh Jr.: Tent Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg. Singh Jr.: Wedding Ring Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Singh Jr.: Nose Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Singh Jr.: Arrow Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement? Singh Jr.: Firetruck Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use urhand. Singh Jr.: Fork Ms Neelam: What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse? Singh Jr.: TALK Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? Singh Jr.: SURNAME Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ? Singh Jr.: HEART. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send Singh Jr. to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

B: क्या करती हो?
G: मै दुल्हन तैयार करती हुँ, पार्लर है अपना! तुम?
 B: दुल्हा तैयार करता हुँ
G: पार्लर है आपका?
 B: नही, गुप्तरोग का हकीम हुँ

The Third Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner"

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered." Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smith's bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us, too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen, and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue,' "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

The Hole Joke

There was this arrogant jerk of a doctor who had four nurses working under him.
Later that night, during their break, they were all discussing the fast one each had pulled on the doctor.

The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."

The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometer and painted all to read 106 degrees."

The third nurse said, "Well, I did better than two of you.
I poked holes in all the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer."

Hearing this, the fourth nurse fainted.

Mexican Maid

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”

Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”

Wife: “Oh yeah?”

Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”

Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”

Maria: “Jor hozban did”

Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”

Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”

Maria: “No Señora… The gardener did.”

Wife: “So how much do you want?”

"You're a tight one."

There was a young sailor from Brighton Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one." She replied, "Don my soul, You're in the wrong hole There's plenty of room in the right one."