A man proposes to his girlfriend. She has one condition.

A man proposes to his girlfriend of one year. She says yes, but has one condition. "I will marry you but I want to get married in Minnesota," the woman says. "There, you can meet my family and we can have a beautiful ceremony. Only then can we consummate the marriage." The woman, who is a virgin, says she has no experience with sex and wants her first time to be a memorable one. The man, because she is young and beautiful, obliges, and suggests they leave for Minnesota as soon as possible. The next day, they got on a bus from New York. The only other passengers were members of a high school hockey team. After 100 miles on the road, the bus breaks down and everyone has to get off the bus while it is repaired. While the man and woman wait, the man suggests the two go off into the woods and have a little fun since the bus won't leave for another hour. She is flattered, but says: "I think we should wait," and so they get back on the bus. After another hundred miles, the bus breaks down again. Everyone gets off the bus and waits for it to be repaired. Again, the man asks his girlfriend to sneak off while they wait. "How about now?" he asks. "This journey is taking forever and I cannot wait any longer!" Flattered, she insists they wait until they arrive in Minnesota. Everyone soon gets back on the bus. For a third time, the bus breaks down. The man figures it is not worth bothering his girlfriend a third time. "She might become annoyed and not want to marry me," he thinks. Suddenly, she takes his hand, brings him into the woods and she experiences her first time. As they are walking back to the bus, the man cannot help but say: "That was wonderful. You are a skillful lover! But what made you change your mind about having your first time after the wedding?" The women looks at him and says: "Well, the hockey team said 'By the time we get to Minnesota, the fucking season would be over.'"

: Difference between criminals and in-laws.

Q. What is the difference between criminals and in-laws? A. Criminals are wanted!

The teacher had given the class an assignment.

The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, andthat no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A wise student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."

: Bad Weather

A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes. As he is coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Minutes later, he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it’s going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers,”The weather out there is terrible.” To which she sleepily replies, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out there fishing?”

Sniffer dog inside plane

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador retriever between them. The first man asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a sniffing dog. “His name is Sniffer, and he’s the best there is,” he said. “I’ll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work.” The plane took off, and once it had leveled out, the agent said, “Watch this.” He told Sniffer to “search.” Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent’s arm. The agent said, “Good boy.” He turned to the other man and said, “That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number. The authorities will apprehend her when we land.” “Say, that’s pretty neat,” replied the first man. Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to his seat and placed two paws on the agent’s arm. The agent said, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.” The agent then told Sniffer to search again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent. He jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn’t figure out why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asked the agent, “What’s going on?” The agent nervously replied, “He just found a bomb!”