Mature Jokes : Singh junior

The teacher asked,"Singh Jr. what is your problem?" Singh Jr. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" Ms Neelam had enough. She took Singh Jr. to the principal's office. While Singh Jr. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Singh Jr. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Singh Jr.: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Singh Jr.: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Singh Jr. can go to the third-grade." If you don't feel embarrassed please read further... Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Singh Jr. both agree. Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Singh Jr., after a moment "Legs." Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" Singh Jr.: "Pockets." Ms Neelam: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Singh Jr.: "Pants" Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Singh Jr.: Coconut Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Singh Jr. was taking charge. Singh Jr.: Bubblegum Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer... Singh Jr.: Shake hands Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay? Singh Jr.: Yep. Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Singh Jr.: Tent Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg. Singh Jr.: Wedding Ring Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Singh Jr.: Nose Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Singh Jr.: Arrow Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement? Singh Jr.: Firetruck Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use urhand. Singh Jr.: Fork Ms Neelam: What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse? Singh Jr.: TALK Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? Singh Jr.: SURNAME Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ? Singh Jr.: HEART. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send Singh Jr. to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

B: क्या करती हो?
G: मै दुल्हन तैयार करती हुँ, पार्लर है अपना! तुम?
 B: दुल्हा तैयार करता हुँ
G: पार्लर है आपका?
 B: नही, गुप्तरोग का हकीम हुँ

The Third Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner"

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered." Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smith's bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us, too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen, and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue,' "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

The Hole Joke

There was this arrogant jerk of a doctor who had four nurses working under him.
Later that night, during their break, they were all discussing the fast one each had pulled on the doctor.

The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."

The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometer and painted all to read 106 degrees."

The third nurse said, "Well, I did better than two of you.
I poked holes in all the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer."

Hearing this, the fourth nurse fainted.

Mexican Maid

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”

Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”

Wife: “Oh yeah?”

Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”

Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”

Maria: “Jor hozban did”

Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”

Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”

Maria: “No Señora… The gardener did.”

Wife: “So how much do you want?”

"You're a tight one."

There was a young sailor from Brighton Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one." She replied, "Don my soul, You're in the wrong hole There's plenty of room in the right one."

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I`m here to donate some blood. They`re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: “Hmm, that`s interesting. I`m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.” The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center. Man: “Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?” Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] “Unh unh.”

puppies?”.....

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived?" "He was on top ", she replied. "You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed. The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply. "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor. With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears. "What's the matter?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies?”.....

How fast can you guess these words

The Penis

Penises come in all shapes and sizes. There are long ones There are short ones There are thick ones There are thin ones They come in many colours too Some are circumstised Some are not Many women find the penis funny looking and unattractive to look at, many too dont want to look at it and turn their heads when they see one! What do you think of Mr Penis? Is he an attractive piece of equipment....Or not?

Sleeping with Baby

John went to his friend's house unannounced, and he wanted to spend the night. His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said, "You can sleep on the floor in the living room, or you can sleep in the room with Baby." John said that he would prefer the floor. The next morning he went to the bathroom, and there he met a gorgeous young blonde. "Hi," he said, "who are you?" "I'm Baby, and who are you?" "I'm stupid," he said.

Three women

Three women walk in a pet shop. Suddenly the parrot yells out, "Yellow, pink, blue." The first lady says, "That's funny, I'm wearing yellow underwear." The second lady says "well I'm wearing pink." The third lady says "No way, I'm wearing blue." To test the parrot, the next day, all of them wore white and the parrot shouted, "white ! white ! white!" The three women are amazed. The final test was the third day, just as they walk in the parrot yelled "Bald, curly, straight and long!" They never went there again!!

It is all in the Size

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!" "Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,' replied the President. "I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10' long and 4' in diameter?" said Putin. "No problem," replied the President and, with that, George Dubya hung up and called the President of condom company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of condom company. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10' long and 4' wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one.